Vonna's Ventures into Theology

Heavenly Thoughts

2010-04-30T11:14:00.000-07:00

I recently watched an old movie, well, ok, maybe 1989 is not old to some! Richard Dreyfuss and Holly Hunter start in Always, a film about a firefighter pilot and his love interest. If you don’t want to know the outcome…read no further!

Alas, the character Richard Dreyfuss plays (Pete) ends up unintentionally sacrificing himself to save a buddy flying with an engine on fire. Pete’s not quite ready to leave earth though.

At one point, Pete makes a statement that I’ve been replaying over and over in my head. Whether these are the exact words or not, they’re the words behind all my reflecting, “The only pain you feel in heaven is the pain from the love you held back on earth.”

Hmmm. Is that theologically sound? I took an independent study in seminary and wrote a paper on heave. Pretty presumptuous, I know. It’s not like I’ve been there yet. But I think we get glimpses of heaven here on earth. I’ve had some interesting experiences that make me wonder. The Scottish/Irish in me resonates with the Celtic understanding of “thin places”…places where the veil between the physical and spiritual seems particularly thin. I’ve heard of first-person accounts of out-of-body experiences while undergoing surgery. I’ve heard some interesting stories from folks. Life and death and the transition between life and death are touched by mystery.

I can’t help but think of Revelation 21.1-4, “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

“There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain…” …well, ok, that seems to answer my question, “Is Pete’s statement theologically sound?” Or does it? I don’t want to sound heretical, if I can help it. I admit, I believe things will be different in heaven. But I also believe how we live our life now makes a difference. Not that we “earn” our way to heaven, but I agree with many Christian authors who talk about our lives here on earth as a sort of training for heaven.

Here’s the rub. If you’ve experienced pain in this life, you want to believe that there will be no more pain in heaven. But what if we give up loving to our fullest potential while we wait for the other side of this life and death? Are there consequences? Do we continue to keep growing in heaven? Is that growth affected by how we grow and love in this life?

I guess that’s what intrigues me about Pete’s statement. What do we hold back from God? What love do we hold back from others? What if we intentionally sacrificed our egos (not in an unhealthy, codependent way) and earnestly tried (with help from the Spirit of God) to love more fully than ever before? What if we worked to be as spiritually and emotionally and relationally healthy as we can be…even if it caused us temporary discomfort? What would be the consequences of that?

Just some thoughts…

2009-10-15T11:18:00.000-07:00

I got an email this morning that ticked me off. Maybe I got up on the wrong side of the bed. Everyone has the right to their own opinions. But I had previously asked to not be included on the type of emails this particular couple liked to send out to a mass distribution list.

Their email was from an article Pat Buchanan wrote. In the article, Buchanan writes (I won’t repeat the entire article):

“Barack says we need to have a conversation about race in America. Fair enough. But this time, it has to be a two-way conversation. White America needs to be heard from, not just lectured to... This time, the Silent Majority needs to have its convictions, grievances and demands heard. And among them are these:

First, America has been the best country on earth for black folks.

Second, no people anywhere has done more to lift up blacks than white Americans.

We hear the grievances (from blacks). Where is the gratitude???

Is white America really responsible for the fact that the crime and incarceration rates for African-Americans are seven times those of white America? Is it really white America's fault that illegitimacy in the African-American community has hit 70 percent and the black dropout rate from high schools in some cities has reached 50 percent? Is that the fault of white America or, first and foremost, a failure of the black community itself?”

Now, I’m not saying that the African American community has no responsibility to set healthy expectations for themselves. They do. We all do. But the tenor of the article, combined with the hateful rhetoric that has been spewing out of the media lately was finally too much. Instead of hitting the delete button as I so often do, I hit the reply all button. This is what I had to say:

Wow, talk about denial and ignorance. People should be grateful for being torn from their families, physically abused, sexually abused, taught they are not human, enslaved for generations, training them to be dogs, teaching them dependency, and creating systems to keep them “in their place”. Yeah, they have a lot to be grateful for. Yeah, right.

But in spite of all this, in spite of the horrific history we have as Americans treating some ethnic people (i.e. Native American, African American) as less than human, there is a lot that is great about America. To forget the past makes us vulnerable to repeating it. I would suggest that people read the book by Howard Zinn, A People’s History of the United States.

There are a lot of people who are grateful for being an American. The human spirit can overcome anything with God’s help. But we can’t ignore what our country has done to marginalize people here.

Buchanan wants to talk about being Christian? He needs to read his Bible. Take a look at the theme the Prophets repeat over and over. Don’t be oppressive. Have compassion on the marginalized. Jesus started his public ministry with these words, straight from Isaiah,

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

because he has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to release the oppressed,

to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."

For those of you who don’t know the significance of this passage, let me tell you. The “year of the Lord’s favor” refers to the Hebrew Jubilee year (every 50th year). You can look it up, but it was a time when the playing field was leveled. Those in debt were given a “pass” card. Their debts were forgiven. It was a means in which every 50 years equality took a huge leap forward. The marginalized were helped. That pleases God.

Do we always like it when it means we, the “majority” who have the most power, have to give up some of what we’ve got? No. But if Buchanan insists on talking about being a Christian, then he better get his facts straight. Being a Christian means you want to follow Jesus, you want to please God. In fact, you want to grow in your relationship with Jesus so much that you want to show that you love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength (that means ALL---your body, your time, your money, etc) in ways that please God.

And what does the Lord require of us? There were people who thought of themselves as the true “religious” people in the prophet Isaiah’s day. But their outward appearances --- talking about how religious they were, public displays of fasting, etc. didn’t match with the hardness of their hearts. What does God say to them (and us) through the prophet Isaiah?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:

to loose the chains of injustice

and untie the cords of the yoke,

to set the oppressed free

and break every yoke?

7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry

and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—

when you see the naked, to clothe him,

and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,

and your healing will quickly appear;

then your righteousness will go before you,

and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;

you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,

with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

11 The LORD will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins

and will raise up the age-old foundations;

you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,

Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

Buchanan better take a hard, long look at what the Bible says pleases God, if he wants to call himself a Christian and wants to make our country even greater. Does he love our country and God so much that he will do what God says?

Afterword:

The saying “walk in my shoes” is important to me. God led me to an experience of this nine years ago. I literally walked (and drove) with a group of Native Americans for 3 ½ months across America. I saw what it was like being a white woman in the midst of a group of Indians. I saw the way they were treated compared to how I was treated when we were out in the public. I heard stories of pain and oppression. And I heard stories of triumph and the beauty of the human spirit. I saw a deep love of this land we call America. I pray that we, as a nation, will repent of the hatred and prejudice that so infects this great nation. I pray that we will do as the prophets of old said…do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, spend ourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed. We can’t do that if we don’t really understand oppression…the seeds of it and the systemic institutions that support it. We are all guilty. We are all sinners. But God is full of grace and mercy. Thanks be to God!

Love: A Lasting Legacy

2009-09-14T09:19:00.000-07:00

I've attended three memorial services in the last couple of weeks. Two were held at my church, Overlake Park Presbyterian: one for a former pastor of the church and one for a member. One was a Native American ceremony held outside in West Seattle for a woman I called "Aunt Ginnie". The services in Bellevue were very different from the memorial in West Seattle, and yet there were also very important commonalities.

In all cases, family and friends were present to honor and to grieve the loss of a loved one. Stories were told. There was laughter and there were sighs of sorrow. And there was the ever present food. What’s a gathering without food? The food reminds us that we are alive. We eat to live.

But the memorial services remind me that we live to love. That’s our lasting legacy…the love we have shown and experience with others. I thank God, the source of love, that Love is eternal.

Each of these three people knew Jesus, the ultimate revelation of Love. They are whole now. Aunt Ginnie was blind, but now she sees. Several years ago she was facing major heart surgery and in her frail condition, we didn’t know how she would make it. When I visited her several days before surgery, she shared a vision with me. She saw herself walking with Jesus on green hills, covered with white daisies on a beautiful blue sky day. She had a peace about the surgery. Later, words came to me to be sung to the tune of Amazing Grace, one of her favorite songs. I sang this to her the morning of her surgery:

Someday I’ll walk the hills of green

Adorned with daisies white

And underneath the sky of blue

Jesus walks by my side.

All three of these people are with Christ Jesus now living in that Eternal Love. May we all be filled with Christ’s healing love.

Wisdom from Qohelet

2009-05-07T07:07:00.000-07:00

I’m loving this spring season. As I type up these thoughts of mine this morning, I’m glancing out my window into my backyard. It’s full of trees and ferns…part of what remains of the greenbelt around the perimeter of the residential housing area in which we live. I love the contrast of the bright green leaves and dark brown trunks after a good rain. I have a couple of vines I planted last year that are taking off. One had seemed to die last year (the one on the right), but it’s making a great comeback this spring.

But while I’m loving this spring season, I’m also thinking about another kind of season. Qohelet, the Teacher from the book of Ecclesiastes, (Qohelet literally means “she who calls, she who assembles”) tells us there are many seasons…a time for everything. In chapter three Qohelet says:

1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Springtime reminds me of the time to be born. But then in the same line, I’m reminded there is a time to die. That’s harder to think about. It’s so nice to sit here and gaze outside (or better yet, go outside) and enjoy the beauty and new life. I could just sit and soak in the enjoyment. Not so with the thoughts of aging and dying.

My mother’s health has been declining. She’s in the winter season of her life. That’s not something on which I like to dwell. But it’s part of the natural rhythm of life. Qohelet, in chapter 12, reminds me of this natural aging process:

“Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, "I find no pleasure in them"- before the sun and the light and the moon and the stars grow dark, and the clouds return after the rain; when the keepers of the house tremble, and the strong men stoop, when the grinders cease because they are few, and those looking through the windows grow dim…” The last verse is a picture of aging. Keepers are our arms, the strong men are our legs, grinders are our teeth and those looking through the windows are our eyes.

My mom doesn’t have much money. She lives on social security, which puts her around a thousand dollars over the poverty line. My siblings and I help out, but she still watches her pennies. She lived through the Great Depression and she does know how to be frugal. I love her ways of giving. She and I share a love of suduko puzzles. So she writes me a note about once a month and sends me sudukos she has clipped from newspapers. What has struck me lately is the change in her penmanship. Her writing has always been so good. It’s shaky now. She's becoming the picture Qohelet is describing.

Qohelet reminds us all that no matter what, no matter in which season we find ourselves, there is still joy to be had. Even in the midst of our circumstances, our limitations, our aging, we can be realistic about what we have to endure and still experience life as a gift and rejoice in it. My mom still finds joy, which makes me glad. And I cherish the time I still have with her and the rest of my family.

So as Qohelet would tell us, savor each day. Find joy in the moments of your life. Hug your family.

Filling Our Children's Love Tanks, Part 6

2009-04-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

(This is the sixth post of the articles that had been written for a church newsletter and posted here by request.)

This month we look at the last of the five love languages in our series based on the book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, The Five Love Languages of Children. We’ve looked at the first four Love Languages, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Gifts. We now come to our last “love language”. I hope this has been thought provoking and helpful to you. Although our goals in looking at these love languages is to help us better relate to our children and better fill our child’s “Love Tank” (their pool of emotional strength) --- as you may have noticed, the general principles are also applicable for adults!

The last love language is “Acts of Service”. As you know – parenting itself – is a service-oriented vocation. The authors point out that when you have a child “you enrolled for full-time service”. Your contract calls for a minimum of eighteen years of service with an understanding that you would be on ‘active reserve’ for several years after that.”

Acts of service are those things we do for our children that they are not able to do, but they are also things we may choose to do for them on occasion that they are capable of doing. It depends on the age of the child. We cook for them, but a time comes when a loving act of service is to teach them how to cook. I have an adult son who comes over to the house for a haircut every few weeks. I’ve taught him to cook different things and he does a good job in the house he lives with his roommates. However, when he comes home, it’s an act of loving service for me to cut his hair and perhaps cook one of his favorite dishes, clam chowder. The acts of service shout, “I love you.”

Children learn from example and the acts of service our children see us do will help to teach them to move away from a life of self-focus to live a life that includes service for others. Our acts of service can become a model for our children’s sense of responsibility. We all have unique abilities and interests, so we should be careful not to force our children to be replicas of us, or worse (as the authors say) fulfill the dreams we never accomplished for ourselves. We want to give our children opportunities to experience different kinds of service so that they can develop their own skills and follow their own interests.

Chapman and Campbell remind us that the ultimate purpose of acts of service to children is “to help them emerge as mature adults who are able to give love to others through acts of service. This includes not only being helpful to cherished loved ones, but also serving persons who are in no way able to return or repay the kindnesses. I’ve seen this in our families here at OPPC...through the feeding the homeless program, the scouts service projects and the help that is given in our different programs.

A warning in doing acts of service for your child – be careful to never how conditional love. God’s unconditional love for us is our example. So when parents provide acts of service for their children only when they are pleased by the child’s behavior, those acts of service are revealing conditional love, not the unconditional love that God gives to us. The authors tell us, “Acts of service that are genuine expressions of love will communicate on an emotional level to most children. However, if service is your child’s primary love language, your acts of service will communicate most deeply that you love Johnny or Julie. When that child asks you to fix a bicycle or mend a doll’s dress, he or she does not merely want to get a task done; your child is crying for emotional love. If your child’s primary love language is acts of service, this does not mean that you must jump at every request. It does mean that you should be extremely sensitive to those requests and recognize that our response till either help fill the child’s love tank or else puncture the tank. Each request calls for a thoughtful, loving response.”

Blessings to you as you seek to understand your child’s love language and fill your child’s emotional tank with the fuel of love!

Filling Our Children's Love Tanks, Part 5

2009-04-22T12:17:00.000-07:00

This month we continue our series based on the book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, The Five Love Languages of Children. We’ve looked at the first three Love Languages, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time. Our goal in looking at these love languages remains the same: to understand how using these love languages can be a way in which we can help fill our child’s “Love Tank” – their pool of emotional strength.

Now, you may think I skipped the series last month so that this month’s Love Language would fall in December. Not so. However, it is very appropriate! Love Language #4 is --- you guessed it --- Gifts! We all know that the giving and receiving of gifts can be a wonderful expression of love. This month we celebrate the greatest expression of love and the greatest gift of all --- Jesus, God’s Son.

The authors share the example of a family with two girls. After the parents return from a trip, bearing gifts, one daughter is much more excited about the gifts than the other daughter. But on the other hand, one daughter wants to hear more about the trip. To the first daughter, the gifts were an expression of love that helped fill her “love tank”. For the second daughter, the conversation about the trip was quality time that helped fill her “love tank”.

The English word “gift” comes from the Greek word charis, which means “grace or underserved gift”. It is an expression of love and is freely given. It is not a payment. If we have a child whose Love Language is “Gifts”, then we need to be careful that we do not mistake a “payment” or “reward” as a gift that will fill their love tank. If we offer a gift for cleaning their room, take out the trash, wash the dishes, etc., that is not a true “gift”. It is a payment. And we need to be careful that we don’t give gifts as a substitute for the other love languages.

Think about what it’s like for a child to unwrap a present. It makes the gift even more fun and special. We can take little things, big things, a necessity or a luxury and wrap them for our children. Wrap them in unusual and creative ways. Give your undivided attention to your child as they unwrap their present. I remember times at Christmas when we would hand out only one gift at a time, so that everyone could see and ooh and aah over the child and their treasure.

Gifts do not have to be purchased to be genuine expressions of love. In our consumer crazy culture, we can get sucked into thinking bigger, more expensive is better. My youngest son, when he was small, was fascinated by unusual stones. He loved it when I found a heart shaped stone and gave it to him.

In this Christmas time, we might think “Gifts” is the Love Language of all children. We all (the children and we big kids at heart) do like to receive gifts. But for the child whose love language is Gifts, receiving a gift is love’s loudest voice. These children will make a special place in their room for their gift to display it. They will make a big deal of it, because it holds a special place in their hearts. Seeing the gift reminds them that they are loved. Gifts are more than material objects. They are tangible expressions of love. That is why it is especially traumatic if the gifts are broken or misplaced.

There is a place in all of us that appreciates and responds to a gift given out of pure love. This Christmas, let’s reflect on the greatest gift of all and how we are loved with such pure grace.

Blessings to you as you fill your child’s emotional tank with the fuel of love!

Filling Our Children's Love Tanks, Part 4

2009-04-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

This month we continue our series based on the book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, The Five Love Languages of Children. We’ve looked at the first two Love Language, Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. We now look at the third Love Language, Quality Time. Our goal in looking at these love languages remains the same: to understand how this might be a way in which we can help fill our child’s “Love Tank” – their pool of emotional strength.

The authors start this chapter with a story of a mother trying to get her work done around the house and a persist child wanting her attention. The mother wonders, “What’s a mother to do? Is it possible to love a child and still get my work done?” The answer is YES! The authors point out that, “when a child’s love tank is empty and attention is the only thing that will fill it, that child will go to almost any length to get what she/he needs….even negative attention seems better than no attention to the child.”

Quality time is not just being in the same room/proximity with your child. It’s more than just coaching your child’s soccer team or other group activity. Quality time is focused attention….giving your child your undivided attention. The authors teach us that the most important factor in quality time is not the event itself, not the going out to somewhere other than home…new surroundings…new experiences, but just the fact that you are doing something together.

Quality Time can require sacrifice of time for busy parents. As the authors say, “It’s easier to give Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation than Quality Time.” As the children grow up their needs for Quality Time can easily be at odds with the parents needs and demands on their times. But making the time – the undivided time – for your child is an incredibly powerful gift that keeps on giving. It will make your child feel truly loved.

This undivided attention is good for all children, regardless of their “Love Language.” It helps balance the outside influences of the world upon our children. They receive many messages from media and peers. They need to receive the message of love through undivided attention from their parents. One of the details of giving Quality Time is eye contact. As people in the caring professions know, eye contact is a powerful communication tool. Lovingly looking into your child’s eyes is a empowering way to convey a sense of love for your child – a love that fuels their Love Tank.

But Quality Time is not just about doing things together…it’s also about getting to know one another more. It’s about developing that emotional intimacy between you. Gary and I are “empty nesters”. So we’ve found that we need to be intentional about getting together to talk and continue the deepening of our relationships. We use meals, playing golf, even cutting my youngest son’s hair (at least I know I’ll see my son every two or three weeks when he comes for his hair cut J ) as opportunities to talk and share. For us, a golf game lends itself to “golf talk”, but also more…what’s going on in the other’s life…what are their thoughts and feelings. Look for age appropriate ways to connect with your child.

The authors suggest that bedtime can be an effective time to connect with younger children, since there are fewer distractions. Reading them stories and asking what they think/feel about the story and/or characters is a great way to help them learn to process their thoughts and feelings as they get older and provides a great way of sharing Quality Time.

I remember taking a road trip with my youngest son. Just the two of us were driving down to Wichita to see family. It was such a wonderful trip because of all the talking we were able to do. Some people plan “dates” with their children to give them that undivided attention. The authors make a great suggestion – work with your child to schedule and plan some time together. You can always change your plans, but the act of planning will help teach you child how to schedule their own time and will show how important the time you share with them is. Here’s your challenge: In the next two weeks, sit down with each child and plan some age appropriate, undivided attention, Quality Time. Let them know you are excited to share that time with them because you love them.

Blessings to you as you fill your child’s emotional tank with the fuel of love!

Filling Our Children's Love Tanks, Part 3

2009-04-22T12:15:00.000-07:00

Last month I introduced our new series, based on the book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, The Five Love Languages of Children. This month we will look at the first Love Language - Physical Touch. The aim is to understand how this might be a way in which we can help fill our child’s “Love Tank” – their pool of emotional strength.

Have you ever noticed that some families are more touchy feely...hug more often, put a hand on a shoulder, and/or gently touch the face of a child? What were the patterns in your family growing up? Some of us may have grown up in a family that didn’t touch often. You’re not alone. Studies show that many parents touch their children only when it is necessary. Yet physical touch is the easiest love language to use. We don’t need a special occasion to give our child a hug. The authors say, “Physical touch is one of love’s strongest voices. It shouts - I love you!”

Many research studies have shown that babies who are held, hugged and kissed develop a healthier emotional life than those who are lift for long periods of time without physical contact. The same could be said for all ages!

The authors point out that often young boys receive less physical affection than girls. They say that some parents feel that too much physical affection will “feminize” a boy. However, this isn’t true. The authors state, “The fact is that the more parents keep the emotional tank full, the healthier the child’s self-esteem and sexual identity will be. Many boys from ages seven to nine go through a stage when they are resistant to affectionate touch, and yet they still need physical contact. They tend to be responsive to more vigorous contact such as wrestling, jostling, playful hitting, bear hugs, give-me-fives and the life.” Girls also enjoy this, but they don’t usually go through the “affection-resistant” stage.

Around the preadolescent stage of girls, they have a particular need for expressions of love from their fathers. The authors point out that at this stage girls who have their emotional tanks full have better self-esteem and sexual identity. They are not as awkward around boys. They can better stand against negative peer pressure. Girls who are moving into this stage and beyond who do not have healthy emotional resources can tend to be either shy and awkward around boys or flirtatious and even seductive. We can help prepare our girls for healthy relationships by intentionally seeking to express love to them daily.

What are great ways to show physical touch? The authors suggest, “Hugs, running your hand through their hair, touching them on the arm or shoulder, patting them on the back or the leg, along with some encouraging words are all meaningful expressions of love to a growing child.” Holding your young child as you read to them is a way to show love. You can also hold their hand or lovingly touch their face.

In our busy world where parents may work long hours and come home tired, sometimes we just don’t realize what our “touch” patterns are. Here’s your challenge:
Take a week and try to be aware how often you touch your child. If you have both girls and boys, notice if you touch one more than the other. (You may be surprised.) Then make a point to change your pattern the next week and increase your physical expressions of love, if needed.

Blessings to you as you fill your child’s emotional tank with the fuel of love!

Filling Our Children's Love Tanks, Part 2

2009-04-22T12:14:00.000-07:00

Filling Our Children's Love Tanks, Part 1

2009-04-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

Over the last year I've written a series of articles for our church newsletter on different ways children experience and express love. I was asked to include them on this blog. So the next few blogs are repeats of those articles. Happy reading...I hope you will gain some insights that may enhance your life! Blessings!

Years ago I read a book by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. I found the book valuable for what it taught about different ways people experience and express love. Then later he (and Ross Campbell, M.D.) came out with another book on “Love Languages” geared towards understanding the different ways in which children experience and express love – The Five Love Languages of Children. I highly recommend both books!

Over the next few months, we will be looking at lessons from the book, The Five Love Languages of Children. Chapman and Campbell start with the premise that we all have a need to be loved. It’s not enough that we love our children. They need to feel that they are loved. The intent of this series is to hopefully help us gain new insights into how our children are emotionally fed, so that we can better provide them with that important sense of being loved.

The authors say, “You may truly love your child, but unless she/he feels it---unless you speak the love language that communicates to her/him your love---he/she will not feel loved. By speaking your child’s love language, you can fill his/her “emotional tank” with love. When your child feels loved, he/she is much easier to discipline and train than when his/her “emotional tank” is running near empty. Every child has an emotional tank, a place of emotional strength that can fuel him/her through the challenging days of childhood and adolescence. We must fill our children’s emotional tanks for them to operate as they should and reach their potential.”

The authors make the point that we usually have a “primary” language that best communicates love for us. They break these into five categories:

1) Physical Touch
2) Words of Affirmation
3) Quality Time
4) Gifts
5) Acts of Service

Chapman and Campbell point out that while our children may have a primary love language; this does not mean that we “only speak that primary love language. Children need all five languages of love to keep their emotional tanks full.” It’s just that often there is one primary way of experiencing love that our children crave more than others. (However, if your child is under the age of five, don’t expect to see a discernable difference.) Next month, we will start the series with a look at the first Love Language: Physical Touch.

Wisdom from the wild side

2009-04-19T07:56:00.000-07:00

Friday night I attended a speaking engagement of Anne Lamott's at Mercer Island Presbyterian Church. As a friend of mine described her, "She's a wild woman." That's one way of describing her. She has had a unconventional life.

What I like about her is that she is so refreshingly honest about her faith. She doesn't hide her faults. She's not your typical evangelist (and I don't think she would call herself one at all), yet her self-deprecating, humorous stories draw people to reflect on their views of Christianity and take another look at Jesus. Above all, she believes in the power of the resurrection and it's power to change lives now as well as eternally. That's how she ended her talk friday night. After speaking an hour and a half (which seemed to fly by) she concluded with the thought, "There is just one story...the resurrection story." This is from a woman who is a best selling author and past recipient of a Guggenheim Fellowship. She knows stories.

I love her emphases on mercy and grace and paying attention for the Divine at work. As she says, "Carry a pen!" She urged us to write it down...don't think you'll remember those glimpses of grace. I could relate to that. At times she sounded like a Spiritual Director. A woman after my own heart! Be observant. Be expectant. God is at work, even in the darkest times. It's ok to be scared. It doesn't mean that you don't have faith. As Lamott said, "Courage is fear that has said it's prayers."

In these difficult times, it's a wise reminder that we should continue to seek to glimpse God at work and know that Jesus will crawl down into any hole we're in and be with us. Thank God!

Lent: Spring Cleaning for the Soul

2009-03-24T15:11:00.000-07:00

Just a warning note...this is a long post. Happy Spring Cleaning!

I recently spoke on Exodus 20:1-17, the Ten Commandments. It was the Lectionary text for the third week of Lent. We’re over half way through Lent, a season of reflection and repentance.

I have a confession to make. I’m a sinner.

As I look at the Ten Commandments, I wonder, how many of us have never broken one of these commandments? The Ten Commandments are a perfect Scriptural selection for the Lectionary text, because they act as a mirror for us as we engage in that self-examination. Our word for this season – Lent – comes from the Old English word, which can be translated as “spring” or “springtime.

What great imagery. Not only does it remind us of the season before Easter – Spring. But “spring” also functions as a metaphor. When we enter into Lent --- viewing it as an opportunity for some spiritual spring cleaning, our souls can be refreshed --- and we can experience new growth.

Lent is a time to be particularly aware of what is planted within us. How’s your self-examination and reflection going? What is the good seed that needs tending? What are the weeds that will choke the good seed, if left untended? We all have weeds of sin in our lives. The Apostle Paul makes that very plain in his letter to the Romans, “All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God.”

When we hear the Ten Commandments, we need to hear them with the understanding Jesus gives us from Matthew 5:21, “You have heard it said to the people long ago, “Do not murder and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother (or sister) will be subject to judgment.”

And then a few verses later, Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, “Do not commit adultery. But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Those are hard words.

When we understand the expanded scope of sin --- according to Jesus --- we can see how far our lives fall short --- of Christ-likeness.

I recently spent time with my family in Kansas. I went back home to celebrate my Mother’s 84th birthday. My three sisters and two of my three brothers and my sister-in-laws were there. We were reminiscing about old times and somehow the conversation turned to things we’d done in our youth --- some things our mother didn’t know.

It tweaked a long, forgotten memory in me --- that had been buried for years. When I was a pre-teen, my family had taken a trip to New Orleans as our Christmas present. We tried different ethnic foods and visited a lot of historical places in New Orleans. In fact, we stayed in a historical hotel, The Roosevelt. Back then in the early 60’s, The Roosevelt was known as the “pride of the south”. It was a grand hotel.

For reasons unknown, I took some silverware from the hotel’s dining room. Maybe I wanted a souvenir --- the silverware had the hotel’s name on it. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. There’s no excuse for what I did. I certainly wasn’t respecting someone else’s property. I wasn’t keeping the eighth commandment.

For over forty years, the silverware had been wrapped up and buried in the bottom drawer of my hope chest and forgotten --- until that conversation with my family. Needless to say, when I told my family, they were shocked.

When I returned from my trip I checked the drawer and sure enough, there was the evidence of my sin...wrapped up in a napkin.

That was bad enough --- but it gets worse. You see, after I returned, I told someone the story and as I did I made the comment that it was so out of character for me. I was the sensitive, good kid of the family!

That’s the problem. I was thinking, “I was a good kid.” That’s like saying now, “I’m a good person.” Have you ever heard that? “I’m a good person. I’m kind to people and animals. I give money to charity and do volunteer work.”

I’ve heard that from non-Christians who think they’re fine without God. It’s also something Christians say --- or think --- at times. That’s a problem.

When we start to think, “I’m a good person”, we’re in danger of diminishing the value of God’s Grace in our lives. Our sense of goodness can distort our relationships. We might start to think ‘I’m right’ and our listening to others lessens. Yet, it’s so easy to think, “I’m a good person.”

Scripture says otherwise. The Ten Commandments show me the truth. The Ten Commandments cut through my deception that I’m a good person. They expose my behavior for what it is --- sin. It’s so easy to make excuses for our sin.

We can read in Genesis where Adam blames the woman for his sin. The woman blames the serpent. Turn to Exodus and we can read about Aaron’s excuse. Moses comes down from Mt. Sinai after receiving the stone tablets with the Ten Commandments and what does he find? Aaron, who has been left in charge, has created an idol - a golden calf. What does Aaron say to Moses? “Don’t be angry with me...you know how prone these people are to evil.”

Isn’t it interesting, how we often want to put the blame on someone else? But Lent can be a correction for that tendency. We’re invited to look at what might be hidden in the bottom drawers of our hearts and lives.

The Ten Commandments are not just rules to follow. Most of all - they are a snapshot of who God is. And they provide a structure for our lives and relationships: to God, others and ourselves.

We don’t know for sure, but it is believed that the second tablet contained the fifth through tenth commandments. These deal with who we are called to be in our relationships with one another.
We are called to live respectfully, because all of us are created in the image of God. We’re not to take or plot to take what is not ours to take: whether a life, another’s possession, another’s spouse, or another’s reputation.

The first tablet contains the first four commandments. They are God-centered. They tell us about this God we are called to follow. Our God is the one who brings freedom. God brought the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. God reaches out to us through Jesus, to bring us freedom from sin and the wages of sin - eternal death.

God is a jealous, possessive God who loves deeply. God judges our desire to be in faithful and respectful relationships. God is also an active God...involved in history --- involved in our lives.
I’m sure you remember what Jesus said when asked about which the Greatest Commandment is, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength --- and your neighbor as yourself.”

In that statement, Jesus unites the two tablets.

The life, death and resurrection of Jesus is the ultimate example of God’s love and desire to be in relationship with us. Our God, who is beyond time and space, who, in fact, created time and space, entered into that time and space to bring us into communion with the Living Holy God.

God shows his love for us, that we might love God and one another. The Ten Commandments are not about perfection. They are about relationship. That’s why when the rich youn ruler came to Jesus and said, “I’ve kept the commandments. What else should I do?” he missed the point about relationship.

Jesus was telling him to.be willing to give up everything from this world and “follow me - be in relationship with me.”

When I realized I had a problem to deal with, I prayed and asked God what I should do with the silverware. The hotel had been sold shortly after I was there as a child and renamed The Fairmont in 1965. In my prayer time, I had an image of a communion set that was made for me a number of years ago. I saw the plate, cup and pitcher and the silverware along side the communion set. The message I got is that the silverware is a reminder of my sinful nature. But the Good News is greater than my sin. As 1 John 1:9 says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

The plate, cup and pitcher represent the reconciling work of Jesus. I can come to the table in communion with Jesus because my sin is cleansed in the blood of the lamb. No matter what our sin is --- God’s Grace is sufficient. We just need to acknowledge our sins/our sinful nature to God and seek to be changed by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes, though, we have reconciling or restoration work to do. Maybe we need to apologize to someone --- or do more than apologize. I’m trying to give back what I took. I’ve left messages and have been shuffled from one person to the next trying to find out whom to resolve this with. The problem is that the new, third owner is in the process of rebuilding the hotel after the devastation from Hurricane Katrina. The hotel isn’t open yet. But what’s interesting is that the new owner is going to bring back the original name --- The Roosevelt.

While I wait for someone to return my calls, I’ve taken a picture of the silverware with my communion set. It’s a reminder that imbedded in our human nature --- is our sinful nature. There is always a need to do our spiritual spring-cleaning – all year long.

We all have sinned. We may have sins that have been buried away and forgotten. Or we may have sins that we secretly struggle with. What is buried in the bottom drawer of your heart and life?

We all need grace. Thanks be to God --- Jesus is our hope! The Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is freely given to those who ask. And for those who seek to follow Him, we will sit in communion
at the Great Wedding Banquet of the Lamb --- our hope fulfilled.

Surprising Grace

2009-03-09T08:36:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had one of those days when you just didn't seem to be all there? Everyday tasks seem so much harder? That was my day yesterday. I woke still worn out from the day before and feeling like I was on the verge of a cold. It didn't help that it was time to spring forward for daylight savings time. I could have used another hour of sleep.

I had plans to attend a concert with friends in the evening and I seriously considered canceling out. The featured artist was to be Chris Tomlin - one of my favorite singer/songwriters. I have a number of his tunes on my ipod. But I was more inclined to go to bed early and call it a day...not just because I was tired, but because I just wanted to put the day behind me. Tomorrow would be a new day. I could always listen to my ipod.

I chose to push through my malaise and make the 45 minute drive to the arena.

It's been years (many years) since I've been to a concert of this kind. I naively thought I was going to listen to some music. What was I thinking? It was three hours of worship...and a lot of that was standing. They made it so easy for the 6,000 plus folks packed into the ShoWare Center. The lyrics were displayed on the two gigantic screens bracketing the stage.

I admit, it took me a few songs to make the transition. I even turned to one of my friends and said I hoped we weren't going to be standing all night. But my fatigue and malaise seemed to melt away as I sang from my heart.

There's something very special in the experience of lifting your voice in praise with thousands of others. Scripture tells us that God inhabits the praise of God's people. God's loving presence filled the place. After a lackluster day, God surprised me with a wonderful experience of Grace. It would have been so much easier to stay home. I'm glad I chose the discomfort of getting out, so that I could be surprised and renewed by Grace. It was a new day last night...I didn't have to wait for the dawn.

Declaring the Glory of God

2009-03-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

Last night as I drove home from church I turned on the radio and heard a new rendition of the song, "How Great Thou Art". That song has always moved me. The swells in the music lift my spirit along with the lyrics that speak for my heart:

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When through the woods, and forest glades I wander,
And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees.
When I look down, from lofty mountain grandeur
And see the brook, and feel the gentle breeze.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing;
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in;
That on the Cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: "My God, how great Thou art!"

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When I hear this song I think of a time when I followed a dream and visited a "mountain" in South Dakota: Bear Butte. Some people call it a mountain, some a hill. Coming from the Pacific NW, it looks more like a hill. However, it is considered a sacred mountain to many Native Americans. That was why I was visiting. I was seeking to discern what I perceived was God's invitation to spend time with native people and learn with them.

When I arrived, I spoke with the park ranger who asked what had brought me to Bear Butte. After telling him, he suggested that I put up my tent in the camping area that was set aside for the Native Americans who came there for spiritual reasons. As I set up my camping site, I was moved by what I heard. Across the field was a Native woman sitting in the field playing her guitar and singing, "How Great Thou Art". We had a wonderful time visiting before I left to do my prayer hike to the top of the mountain. My prayer included parts of Psalm 51 (praying that God would cleanse me from my sins and create a new heart within me) as well as repeating Psalm 24 over and over:

The earth is the Lord's and everything in it,
the world and all who live in it;
for he founded it upon the seas
and established upon the waters.

Who may ascend the hill of the Lord?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false.

He will receive a blessing from the Lord
and vindication from God his Savior.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob.

Lift up your heads, O you gates;
be lifted up, you ancient doors,
that the King of Glory may come in.
Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord strong and mighty,
the Lord mighty in battle.

Lift up your heads, O you gates,
lift them up, you ancient doors,
that the King of Glory may come in.
Who is this King of Glory?
The Lord Almighty ---
he is the King of Glory.

The day had been a beautiful, clear summer day as I hiked and prayed. That night as I lay in my sleeping bag, a storm came up. It was not your typical midwestern thunderstorm. It didn't rain. Instead, there was an incredible lightning storm that sat over the mountain all night. The power was both awe inspiring and frightening. The ground beneath me was literally churning. I saw the lightning not only move down from the sky, but also in the reverse direction. It was a very strange sight.

The experience reminds me of Psalm 19: The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

I pray this Lenten season that my life might declare the glory of God, in spite of the reality that I am an imperfect person. I value this season because it is an invitation to intentionally set aside time (like taking a trip to a sacred mountain without leaving home) to reflect on what diminishes my relationship with God and remember the renewal that comes from seeking God's forgiveness and cleansing power. May the power and healing light of Christ shine through the cracks of this and your earthen vessel. To God be the Glory!

The wisdom in nature - a promise of hope

2009-03-02T15:48:00.000-08:00

I love the view of nature in the wisdom literature of the Bible: Proverbs, Ecclesiastes and Job. It assumes that nature has a lot to teach us. I’ve always found inspiration in nature. To view the vibrant colors of a Kansan sunset creates a sense of awe for the beauty God has created. The power of a good cleansing thunderstorm on the plains refreshes the air and usually my spirit!

Mountains have a special place in my heart. There is a grandeur about them that is awe inspiring! When I first moved to the Pacific NW, I would be so struck with the beauty of the mountains as I drove along the interstate that I would call out to my children who were with me, “Look, kids…the Cascades!“ or “Look, kids, Mt. Rainier!” or “Look, kids, the Olympics!” I didn’t want my children to miss out on the beauty. Twenty years later, I haven’t lost that sense of awe.

I never want to lose that sense of awe for the beauty of nature. And I as I reflect on this Lenten season, my prayer is that my sense of awe might increase for the life, death and resurrection of Jesus and the hope of renewal and new life that it brings. In this difficult time in our society when many people, including my family, wonder what will happen to our jobs or our loved ones’ jobs, the promise of spring…the promise of renewal…is a promise of hope that we need.

Thank you

2009-02-13T10:05:00.000-08:00

I neglected to mention yesterday that the inspiration for my blog's title came from a young friend, Hannah. She was showing me some tricks of the blogging trade. (Isn't that typical...the young will teach the older ones). I mentioned I hadn't thought of a name yet and she instantly thought of Vonna's Ventures. I liked it immediately. Merriam Webster dictionary offers this as a definition for venture: to offer at the risk of rebuff, rejection, or censure.

This blog is about offering my thoughts on a variety of topics and occasionally some of those topics just might be a little controversial for some...(and I can hear my friends who know me well say, "You think?") so there just might be some rebuff and rejection! :-)

Thanks Hannah!

Starting out on the great adventure

2009-02-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Today I'm starting a new thing. Ok, ok, so it's not so new to many of you. But the blogosphere is a fresh new adventure to me. Welcome to my inner world!

I recently took a few days of study leave. I did some reading and attended a lecture series on "Finding Wisdom in Proverbs and Ecclesiastes". Dr. Amy Pauw, a Professor of Theology at Louisville Seminary, was the speaker. Great presentations!

Prior to this, I had mentioned to one of the ladies in my church that I was going to be reading Ecclesiastes and I got a groan and an "Oh, that book." I wish I would have followed up on the meaning behind her words, but I was on my way to another place. How often do we miss out because we're too busy to stop for awhile? For me, more often than I'd like.

I wonder if her feelings about Ecclesiastes was because women have gotten a bad rap from some folks' interpretation of a certain passage in Ecclesiastes. Chapter 7, verse 28 seems to imply that there were no wise/good/upright women to be found when the teacher in Ecclesiates was searching for wisdom. What people have missed is the bigger picture. In Proverbs, another wisdom book, "wisdom" is personified as a woman. Proverbs tells us she - woman wisdom - can be found. In fact, she is to be found. We should be seeking her out and listening to her. The tone of Proverbs is upbeat. But the tone of Ecclesiastes is much different. The teacher/author of Ecclesiastes searches all over for wisdom...and wisdom can't be found. The teacher in Ecclesiastes was not able to find woman wisdom.

Some days it feels like wisdom is right here by my side. Some days she just seems to allude me.