(This is the sixth post of the articles that had been written for a church newsletter and posted here by request.)
This month we look at the last of the five love languages in our series based on the book by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, The Five Love Languages of Children. We’ve looked at the first four Love Languages, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Gifts. We now come to our last “love language”. I hope this has been thought provoking and helpful to you. Although our goals in looking at these love languages is to help us better relate to our children and better fill our child’s “Love Tank” (their pool of emotional strength) --- as you may have noticed, the general principles are also applicable for adults!
The last love language is “Acts of Service”. As you know – parenting itself – is a service-oriented vocation. The authors point out that when you have a child “you enrolled for full-time service”. Your contract calls for a minimum of eighteen years of service with an understanding that you would be on ‘active reserve’ for several years after that.”
Acts of service are those things we do for our children that they are not able to do, but they are also things we may choose to do for them on occasion that they are capable of doing. It depends on the age of the child. We cook for them, but a time comes when a loving act of service is to teach them how to cook. I have an adult son who comes over to the house for a haircut every few weeks. I’ve taught him to cook different things and he does a good job in the house he lives with his roommates. However, when he comes home, it’s an act of loving service for me to cut his hair and perhaps cook one of his favorite dishes, clam chowder. The acts of service shout, “I love you.”
Children learn from example and the acts of service our children see us do will help to teach them to move away from a life of self-focus to live a life that includes service for others. Our acts of service can become a model for our children’s sense of responsibility. We all have unique abilities and interests, so we should be careful not to force our children to be replicas of us, or worse (as the authors say) fulfill the dreams we never accomplished for ourselves. We want to give our children opportunities to experience different kinds of service so that they can develop their own skills and follow their own interests.
Chapman and Campbell remind us that the ultimate purpose of acts of service to children is “to help them emerge as mature adults who are able to give love to others through acts of service. This includes not only being helpful to cherished loved ones, but also serving persons who are in no way able to return or repay the kindnesses. I’ve seen this in our families here at OPPC...through the feeding the homeless program, the scouts service projects and the help that is given in our different programs.
A warning in doing acts of service for your child – be careful to never how conditional love. God’s unconditional love for us is our example. So when parents provide acts of service for their children only when they are pleased by the child’s behavior, those acts of service are revealing conditional love, not the unconditional love that God gives to us. The authors tell us, “Acts of service that are genuine expressions of love will communicate on an emotional level to most children. However, if service is your child’s primary love language, your acts of service will communicate most deeply that you love Johnny or Julie. When that child asks you to fix a bicycle or mend a doll’s dress, he or she does not merely want to get a task done; your child is crying for emotional love. If your child’s primary love language is acts of service, this does not mean that you must jump at every request. It does mean that you should be extremely sensitive to those requests and recognize that our response till either help fill the child’s love tank or else puncture the tank. Each request calls for a thoughtful, loving response.”
Blessings to you as you seek to understand your child’s love language and fill your child’s emotional tank with the fuel of love!
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